Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
"Beaverlick takes law quite seriously, as do I, but there are some places I just don't have Jurisdiction," shrugged Marshall Tucker in response to the growing list of scathing letters to the editor written to The Beaver Examiner over the past few months. "Look, I don't mind cleaning up litter, rousting drunks, defusing a fight between an opium tweaked circus midget and a squeaky water pump or anything thing else that crops up in our cozy city limits. My vigilance stops two feet past that bullet-riddled welcome sign at the edge of town. Just last week I chased a extra-terrestrial ecotoplasmic cephalopod through the Yeast of Eden bakery after the sour dough vat imploded. When that thing phased into a pocket dimension I broke pursuit. Yeah, I guess I could have raised a posse, but extradition from outer planeular courts has been negligible since the Monroe Doctrine; and locally I'm not sure I could find a credable jury of it's peers. The American justice system has its limitations out here in the territory and it's 450 yards in that direction."
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
The Beaver Examiner is the exclusive chronicle of Beaverlick, Wyoming. Printed weekly, the brain child of publisher/editor, and co-owner of the Box Lunch Cafe, Maple White has managed to turn quite a profit in this frontier town, despite an estimated literacy rate of nearly 22 percent. When asked of his successful marketing, he just rubbed his ink stained fingers across freshly dried printings and said, "You wont find a softer paper anywhere in Wyoming." White also sponsors an all you can eat coffee and grits luncheon at the cafe with the purchase of every paper . "In the end The Beaver Examiner is there to wipe away the true grit of the West and get right to the fiber of our Society."