Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Beaverlick Penal Facility

The official name of the local jail, the Beaverlick Penal Facility is a state of the art detention house designed by the late Lenny Cochran. Locals often confuse this long winded official title in colloquial circles with the Bed Side Manor, also known for Penal retention. Known by most around town as "The hole, one can refer to in polite conversation", serves the city Marshall as a holding area for local deviants awaiting trial, a cooling area for drunken rowdies and a temporary smoke house during dear season.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Extra! Extra! Black Bart Rides Again?

Civil Disorder will not be suffered

"Beaverlick takes law quite seriously, as do I, but there are some places I just don't have Jurisdiction," shrugged Marshall Tucker in response to the growing list of scathing letters to the editor written to The Beaver Examiner over the past few months. "Look, I don't mind cleaning up litter, rousting drunks, defusing a fight between an opium tweaked circus midget and a squeaky water pump or anything thing else that crops up in our cozy city limits. My vigilance stops two feet past that bullet-riddled welcome sign at the edge of town. Just last week I chased a extra-terrestrial ecotoplasmic cephalopod through the Yeast of Eden bakery after the sour dough vat imploded. When that thing phased into a pocket dimension I broke pursuit. Yeah, I guess I could have raised a posse, but extradition from outer planeular courts has been negligible since the Monroe Doctrine; and locally I'm not sure I could find a credable jury of it's peers. The American justice system has its limitations out here in the territory and it's 450 yards in that direction."

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

The Beaver Examiner is the exclusive chronicle of Beaverlick, Wyoming. Printed weekly, the brain child of publisher/editor, and co-owner of the Box Lunch Cafe, Maple White has managed to turn quite a profit in this frontier town, despite an estimated literacy rate of nearly 22 percent. When asked of his successful marketing, he just rubbed his ink stained fingers across freshly dried printings and said, "You wont find a softer paper anywhere in Wyoming." White also sponsors an all you can eat coffee and grits luncheon at the cafe with the purchase of every paper . "In the end The Beaver Examiner is there to wipe away the true grit of the West and get right to the fiber of our Society."
boasted White.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Holland Oats Feed and Seed

No matter if your sewing wild oats or shredding wheat, Haggen Van Der Biber hopes to grow with you and the budding Beaverlick farming community. A transplant of Amsterdam, Haggen put down roots and opened the Holland Oats feed and seed depot to yield a living providing the best quality grain to a very fertile market. Tired of hunting and pecking for the best feed prices? Come talk turkey for chicken feed, it will only cost a little scratch at Holland Oats.

Founding Derelict

Rome may have been built by orphans, as Australia was by criminals and brigands, heck, even our own founding fathers were blasphemous Anglican Church out casts. So why should it come to any one's surprise that a derelict was responsible for Beaverlick's current location? A Derelict wagon that is. It remains unclear as to whom it may have originally belonged to when first discovered by now acting Mayor Caveat Huckster on his original trek to California. He obviously wasn't the first to make a vagrants shelter of it, prairie flotsam had been scattered all the way to the creek bed by its former tenants. After sifting through the disordered abandonment, Caveat was said to have discovered copper ore in the run off of a near by beaver's dam. (Editors Note)The Mayors office has strictly denied this allegation of opportunist behavior and counter proposes the rumors are simply slanderous revisionism.